A Clean Canvas

Hi!
I haven't been here for a while.

I leave in less than a month. I'm leaving to a strange place. I'm taking one suitcase and my canon... I hope that's enough.

I'm going where I need to go.
I will be fine.
I am always fine.
But, will I be happy?

I haven't made such a big move ever since my family relocated when I was about twelve. I'm not specifically running away from anything. I would say I am running towards something.
Few of us get the chance to start new, a clean canvas. I wanted one for so long and suddenly the idea is overwhelming. I am like a frustrated artist. I want to paint everything but I want to paint nothing. I want to sketch a new path but I don't know where to start.
My first memories are of me painting in my room. I learned the technique well and I got comfortable with the art of painting. I grew older and I stopped painting because you can't make mistakes when you paint. Not significant ones at least.
Sketch. Erase. Sketch. Erase. All on a piece of paper until you are ready to put it on the canvas.
The time is here and given the circumstances, I can't make many mistakes.

I am scared. I don't want to mess it up.
I am very excited about this but I am also very nervous. I am anxious but I am determined.
I can't let the fear of messing up stop me from painting a beautiful picture. It didn't stop me eleven years ago, and it shouldn't stop me now.


World, here I come.

-The Starry Eyed Girl

2014 Memory Jar: No one really talks about these things.

About a year ago, I started a memory jar.  I didn’t realize it then, but I was at a very low point in my life. Some events from summer 2013 had made me lose much hope in people and in myself.  I pretty much stopped caring. I got to a state where I didn’t want to trust anyone. I thought everyone was bad and I became a strong believer of “self preservation”…I got really selfish. If people that I had thought were wonderful, and I had trusted and cared with all of my heart had just hurt me so much; everyone else must be the same or worst. That was my logic back then. I had no system of beliefs or values and went ahead and just decided to do what felt good, somewhat right, or was beneficial to me at the moment.
I had this friend that I would always tell everything to. Back then, I felt I couldn't trust her because I didn't want to believe anyone was good. I was paranoid after that summer. I am very grateful I met her though. I think she was the only person I truly trusted at that time regardless of how much I refused to admit it. Although we partied, made stupid decisions, pulled all nighters and ate lots and lots of pizza to cope with things, we always managed to look good (at least she always did), get straight A’s and graduate with honors. Everything seemed good, but nothing was really good. I was depressed. I developed mild anxiety and felt empty all the time. Why was it that the bad things were affecting me so much? Back in high school, no matter how bad things went, nothing ever managed to penetrate my outer shell. Yes, cancers are very emotional but this was extreme.

I would come home and instead of writing on a diary, I began writing little notes and deposited them in a memory jar. 

“Took care of my uncle today”

“We watched the stars in the beach”

“happy cheat day fatties!”

“I lost my iPhone but it was worth it”

“the grass is lava!” 

“Started a blog- april 2014” 

I am really impatient and I opened my memory jar 3 days before I was supposed to. I can only smile and tear as I look at all these notes and such. My life is completely different now than it was at the beginning of this year. I was studying to take my MCAT, because I wanted to go to medical school like everyone else I know. I had terrible communication problems with my family. I was negative more than 50 percent of the time, I constantly lied to people I love, and cried more times in my room than I can remember. 

Now, I am on my way to doing what I really love, which is not medicine. My anxiety has gone away and I never cry anymore. I definitely feel stronger. I learned to not expect anything, and to accept things as they are. I have also met so much people this year! Some have left, others have come and go, and some I can tell, will be here forever. I have an amazing relationship with my family, and I am again the person that I was before summer 2013...though more mature and older. As I talk to my friends and even my mom, I realize that everyone goes through these periods but very few people actually talk about it. It is amazing how much your life can change in the span of one year.

I encourage you to welcome this year with happiness and love in your heart. Let go of anything bad that happened, and cherish the great memories. Smile at strangers, make a new friend every week, go on walks more often, and enjoy every moment of your life.

I hope my story inspires you to make a memory jar, and to really think about all the good and the bad things that have shaped you into the wonderful person you are today.

Happy Holidays! 

-The Starry Eyed Girl 

25. 22. 30. 41...

Hello wonderful people!

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote anything. I have been really busy with life lately. 

Despite of it all, I’ve been really enjoying life!

Lately I’ve noticed that we are all given a certain value. Sometimes people categorize us by how much money we make, how rich we are, what grades we get, where we are going with our life, or even how many friends we have. It all narrows down to a number.
It all begins in our childhood. We are taught to be competitive; simply the best. The best becomes an unrealistic ideal rather than a healthy and joyous state of mind. What if becoming a cop, firefighter, or a doctor isn’t for you? What if you want to be an artist, or a professional dancer?

In the career path that I’ve chosen, my value depends on a score. The score for the standardized test that will determine whether or not I will be “good” for the profession I have picked. No offense to anyone but that is all a lie. And hey, that’s how the application process goes for many things in life: college, medical school, law school, grad school, etc. The thing is, am I really better than the next because my score is somewhat good?
According to everyone surrounding me, that’s the way it is. 

They’ve all grown arrogant, and careless. They have lost purpose other than to chat about their scores. I wonder if this is a sign of growing up… 

I mean, the elder which are preoccupied with their job and investments seem to have their minds wrapped around money and numbers. I guess I haven’t matured enough to that enslaved state of mind. 

I think there is so much more to offer the world rather than a price value or a score. Ultimately what does my score mean to an engineer or a cop? What matters are the good qualities in each of us. Be accepting of others. I used to be so drowned in piles of different values going from number of gold stars, number of friends, scores, grades, money, that I couldn’t see beyond them. There is a world out there. A world full of artists, people that drive pedi cabs, sell jewelry on the street or cook at a restaurant for a living. Once you stop caring so much about the numbers and comparing your scores to those around you… the good and small things in life begin to shine through.

…And maybe… only maybe… you’ll become happier! 

-TheStarryEyedGirl 

Magic

Hello wonderful people of the Internet!

Lately I’ve been thinking of the power of magic. YES MAGIC.
I think it exists and we are all subject to it at some point or another.

Let’s think of those times you really want to talk to someone you haven’t talked to in a while and all of a sudden the phone rings and it’s that person. Coincidence? Maybe.
My friend says she doesn’t believe in coincidences and this type of things is just random and inexplicable. I on the other hand, really believe in a sort of magic.
I think the level of magical energy varies from person to person. Also, sometimes we meet people who don’t necessarily have a high magical energy in general but they do with us. I think that is linked back to the concept of soulmates. Many don’t believe in soulmates as we only hear about this in the romantic context but soulmates can be friends or family members too. Sometimes we meet our soulmates and fall in love but realize that they are not the person that we are meant to be with. Why? Why would anyone be in that situation? Soulmates aren’t just a love matter as I mentioned. 

I think our soul is broken into pieces before our own existence. Some people we meet through our life  are so connected with us that even become our best friends and partners of life might just be pieces of that one soul. It is no coincidence that you feel extremely connected to that person; that the time flies by when you talk to her/him and they just become so important to you that when they are not there, your energy goes down. You miss them. You long for them. Not only you, but the universe feeds off of the great energy that soulmates radiate together. 

I believe that when you strongly think of someone with all of your heart and energy, they can feel that energy and as a result they think of you too. It is a feeding mechanism. You are away from this person but the universe is trying to bring you back together and refilling your cosmic energy at the same time. I know it’s a crazy idea but it has happened to me a few times throughout my life that I’ve felt this way with friends and other people and it manifests in the sense of me having dreams that involve that person, thinking about them, and a few times even seeing them at a place randomly after thinking of them. Was I making making an invisible call? 

I have a scientific theory behind it involving time and space but I wont get into that for now.
For now, let us be wrapped in the magic.
Use that energy on your favor and make every moment with every person magical.
Be aware of soulmates. They are hard to spot and rare to cross paths with but believe me, I have experienced it.

-Call it magic, When I’m with you

TheStarryEyedGirl

Remedy for a Broken Heart

Whether it may have been by a friend, a crush, a boyfriend or even a spouse, we’ve all have gotten our heart broken at least once. We have all experienced the epidemic disease characterized by long nights of crying and lonesome days wondering what we could’ve done differently. People call it “heartbreak disease”.

The pathology of this disease has been widely studied, yet it seems like we haven’t discover a way to eradicate it. There might not be a cure for heartbreak disease, but there are some remedies I’ve collected through time that would certainly help on relieving the symptoms on what may actually be a “psychological disorder”. We forget, we move on, and it’s gone.

I, just like you, have gotten my heart broken more than one time. It was not easy, but no matter how excruciating the pain, and how intense the symptoms may be, time does make it better.

Here is a list of things that have helped me.

1 1.    Surround yourself with fun, positive and caring friends. You need a good crowd for those times when you feel like crying, or need to talk to someone. 

2 2.    Perform some type of exercise, it will make you feel so much better as when you run, your body releases endorphins. These chemicals trigger a positive feeling in the body by interacting with some receptors in the brain which as a result lower your perception of pain, and make you feel positive and have a better outlook on life. 

3 3.    No matter the negative thoughts you get about the person that broke your heart, DO NOT express them. Not saying them will be hard at first but soon it will become a habit and at some point they will be gone.

4 4.    Remember there is nothing wrong with you. There are billions of people in this world and each and every one of us has something unique to offer. If that person couldn’t appreciate you then they are not worth your time.

5 5.    Take time to pamper yourself! Now you have more time to enjoy!

6 6.    Go out with your friends; socialize! 

        Alcohol is never the answer but mingling with others is!

        Don’t ostracize yourself!

7 7.    Something that has particularly helped me is energizing and motivating others. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be positive, support those around you, and motivate them by example. If you have nothing to say, sometimes just being supportive of your friends and reminding them how great they actually are will help them. They will be happy and that in return will make you happy!

8 8.    Most importantly, no matter how sad you may feel, don’t get lost!

      People like me, that may be dealing with temporary or chronic depression, anxiety, fatigue, stress among other things are more inclined to be negative, lose motivation, and lose traits of their unique personality. Try to find yourself; it is an ongoing process. Everyday, tell yourself who you are and why you are so valuable. 

      Life is beautiful; so don’t waste time being sad!

I hope this helps you!

Sincerely,

TheStarryEyedGirl

Key to Happiness; 15 tips that will make you feel happy.

It appears to me that everybody seems to be looking for this one special magical spell for happiness although, many search in the wrong places.
What is happiness?
There is no perfect answer to this question. Maybe I should say that there are many perfect answers to this query; happiness means something different for each person. You have to find the answer to this inquiry within yourself. Regardless of what it may be for you, here are 15 tips that helped me during my journey to find happiness, and which I'm glad I continue practicing every day.

1. Start your day early and make yourself some sort of yummy breakfast!

2. Listen to your favorite music as you get ready to start your day.

3. Wear an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and confident.

4. Become more organized (keep a planner), this will help you avoid stress.

5. Declutter your room and try to keep it organized and clean, this will provide you with a nice environment to gather your thoughts and hang out.

6. Smile to people as you walk into school, work or on the street.

7. Dont let your happiness depend on anyone else but yourself and by this I mean, dont let anyone else's comments or actions affect your state of mind.

8. Be positive and you will attract positive things to your life.

9. Be optimistic! Unless you are dying, it can be fixed.

10. Surround yourself with people who love you, and love themselves; negative people will only consume your good energy and bring you down.

11. Try your best at school or your job because the little accomplishments will make you feel very fulfilled.

12. Dont beat yourself up over mistakes. Acknowledge them as part of your past, learn from them, and move on.

13. Whenever you feel depressed or upset about something, it helps to write about it on a personal journal.

14. Find a hobby! I like to draw, dance or write when my world seems to be crushing down on my shoulders. It doesn't have to be perfect; it just have to make you feel good!

15. And lastly, LOVE YOURSELF. Before anything, learn to love and deeply value every part of yourself. We are brought into this world with a purpose to do or become something but before fulfilling it, you must love yourself. Love your imperfections as they make you unique. Love your great attributes because you are amazing and beautiful. Be free of that huge internal critic, and bring out the GREAT HAPPY person residing within yourself.




-Keep dreaming, TheStarryEyedGirl